Letter to Ava

Dear Ava,

Baba and I met you a year ago, today.   We don't remember life without you.  It seems like you were with us long before we ever knew about you.  

You have changed our lives in so many ways.  For one, I've learned to enjoy the little moments and let the laundry and dishes wait (and wait, and wait sometimes).  Jackson, always the patient and caring one, has become more so.  Molly, the not-so-patient and sometimes caring one, has grown up so much in a year.  She pretended to be sick when you first came home.  I took her to the doctor over and over again before I finally realized she just needed some attention (and lice removal, but that's a story for another day).  She expected you to come home and start playing with dolls and dress up clothes right away.  You didn't.  You wanted mama and you were afraid of dolls.  Molly learned to be patient and, in time, became the sweetest big sister a girl could have.  As for the dolls and dress up clothes, you love them now - you play with them everyday and you often insist that we call you "mommy".  

Dad, well, he's far more adventurous these days.  We even got him to Chinatown twice in the same week.  Once, for the Chinese New Year parade (and lunch - which he ate) a few weeks ago, and again for another New Year event for a friend's school.  That time, we went to a restaurant we'd never visited.  They brought us chicken.  The WHOLE chicken, with its head intact.  And your baba didn't run home.  He didn't eat the chicken, but he didn't complain either.  And, for him, that's a lot.  

You still love Chinese food.  You squeal when you see those little white boxes filled with rice.  But, nowadays, you're also a fan of chips and salsa, vegetable soup and chicken pot pie.  You will try anything!  

You amaze me every day.  So happy, so silly, so crazy.  You are so smart.  Sometimes, I think you'll grow up to be something very scholarly.  Other times, I think the circus may be more fitting.  Because you, little girl, have no fear.  You use the back of the sofa as a tight rope when you think I'm not looking.  You climb the refrigerator, the kitchen cabinets and even my legs.  You often use my face as a trampoline.  All with that big bright smile on your face.  

You have become quite the clothes horse.  You LOVE getting dressed and insist on doing so the minute you wake up.  You are usually dressed and ready to go before you leave your room in the morning.  You love to pick out your clothes and will always go for dresses, especially red ones.  You have a red Christmas nightgown that you insist on wearing every night.  Sometimes it gets washed, but probably not nearly enough.  

Tonight, when you open your presents, you have 3 new red dresses for spring.  I'm pretty sure you'll insist on wearing them with your snow boots, because you love them too.  

Speaking of snow, it's only fitting that we're in the middle of a storm on your Gotcha Day.  I like to think someone in Heaven noticed how much you love the snow - and sent you a giant pile of it for you to play in.  So, for now, time to stop writing.  It's time to put on your favorite boots.  

Our First Year Together!

8 weeks home!

It's hard to believe. 8 weeks! But, you know what? It feels like Ava has always been with us.
I think back to the day, the moment, when we met her. In a cold room with a white floor, white walls and a white ceiling. A couple sofas. Four families waiting. Then, in walks a nanny carrying a baby. You couldn't see the baby for all the layers of clothes so I couldn't tell she was ours until the woman announced "Feng Ling Xiu". She handed her to me and ran out the door. I remember feeling only a bundle of warmth. Surely, there was a child in there. Then I saw her face. The rest is a little blurry.
But what I recall the most: she was afraid of her Daddy. Ava didn't see men in the orphanage.

Fast forward 8 weeks. When she hears Baba (aka Dada) come home, she squeals. She runs. She can't wait to give him a hug. And, it's not just her Baba - she loves all the boys in her life. Her big brother. Her uncles. Her Poppy (Grandpa and Papa John will get their due soon enough). But, there's something about her Uncle David. Boy, does she LOVE him!

Ava has changed so much since we came home. No longer the shy, quiet baby who would hide her face in my shoulder and hold onto my car keys for some sort of comfort. Today, she is happy, lively, LOUD (just ask the people who work at Walgreen's).
One of her favorite things to do is pick up her brother and sister from school. She loves seeing all the other kids and really loves for Jackson to carry her to the car.

He has become quite the big brother. So patient, so helpful, so caring. I knew that about him all along but it's so special to see him with Ava. He changed her diaper the other day - I didn't even ask him to do it. He noticed his baby sister was wet and just took care of her.

Molly is embracing her role as a big sister. She wants to help so much but her fervor is sometimes a little too much. She's getting better, though. Molly and calm are two words that have never really gone together. But she can be so sweet with Ava.

I am so proud of Molly and Jackson. They couldn't love another sister any more than they love Ava.

It's not all perfect, though. Yes, Molly has hit her sister with her DS. Jackson often tells me what to do (and, I think, tells Grammy when I don't listen), and Kevin and I aren't getting a ton of rest. At the orphanage, Ava never had to sleep in a room alone. She has her own room now and falls asleep with Kevin or me there with her. We leave after she's sleeping. It used to take an hour or two to get her to sleep. Now, it's more like 10-20 minutes. During the night, she'll wake up alone and scared so one of us takes her to the extra bedroom and she falls right back to sleep. There have been rough nights, though. I'll tell you: you haven't LIVED until you've spent the night with a toddler in a toddler bed.

Ava no longer eats everything - she's become quite the picky eater. She does have a particular love for rice. Fried rice, red rice, plain white rice, any kind of rice. Her appetite has calmed down quite a bit. She now eats a normal toddler-size serving. Finally, she's realized food will always be there when she wants it.

She came to us speaking only the mandarin words for mama, daddy and big brother. Today, her vocabulary is growing all the time. She can say:

Mama and Mommy
Dada (though she mostly calls Kevin Baba)
Jackson
Molly
Ava
no (often no, no, no!)
go
yes
bye-bye
up
shoes
thank you
eat
water
milk
apple
banana
OK
book
buckle
Elmo
Barney
phone
baby
I you (I love you)
D (Uncle David)
night-night

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Jackson has taken my order for breakfast in bed. Molly can't wait to help him. Ava might sleep past 6:00. Whatever the day brings, I know I am truly blessed.

We Have Arrived!

She did it! Ava slept all night. By herself. In her own bed! I'm not expecting the same tonight but we'll take what we can get.

We've been home 24 days. I planned to blog after a week, but I had the flu and Ava had strep. It wouldn't have been a pretty post. Then, I planned to write after 2 weeks, but we had a plumbing emergency in the basement. 3 weeks, well, it just didn't happen.

So here we are. Ava is doing quite well; though we have had our struggles, usually at bedtime. When we brought her home, I took her upstairs to show her her room. She screamed when she saw her crib. Sleeping in it? Not a chance. So, now, our 20-month old sleeps in a toddler bed. And she's happy.

So very happy. She's got quite the personality, but won't share it with people she doesn't know. She is very shy, quiet and timid around new people. But that isn't a bad thing.

We've been so busy since we got home. I lost count of doctor appointments, but it's all been good news. We saw the cardiologist this week. I was a little nervous about that one. Ava had open heart surgery when she was 10 weeks old (Tetralogy of Fallot repair) and the orphanage never took her for a follow up. As it turns out, everything is fine. Her surgery was successful. As long as everything continues to grow as it has, she won't need any future procedures. She does have a heart murmur (despite what the doc said in China), but Dr. Weigel says it's nothing to worry about. And come back in a year.

Ava is talking like crazy. She speaks mostly baby-talk, but easily makes her feelings known. Her new thing is saying "thank you." Hey, at least she's polite.

She's had no trouble adjusting to all the new food. In fact, she likes EVERYTHING. Steamed vegetables? Bring 'em on. Oatmeal? Better make 2 bowls.  The people at the orphanage said "cookies and candy are her favorite." They were right, though now we should add pound cake to that list. But, really, she's just as happy to eat edamame and snap peas.

Speaking of food, I have to thank all our friends at school/church for all the great meals they've brought over for us. It has been such a great help, especially since Ava needed to be held all the time until very recently. Life is slowly returning to normal, so maybe it's about time I cooked a meal -- it's been 6 weeks since I put proper food on the table. Again, thank you, my friends for giving me one less thing to worry about.

Tomorrow is Easter. And we have much to celebrate!

Hong Kong

We made it to Hong Kong. We are tired, so I'll keep this short. Ava has been such a trooper today. It's almost 8:00, and we're waiting for dinner. She's hungry and exhausted, but still has a smile on her face. Leaving for the airport in the morning and, finally, we're coming home!

Sent from my iPad.

Heading to Hong Kong

Today is our last day in China. We are waiting for Ava's visa and in a couple hours, we'll be on the bullet train to Hong Kong. We have spent the morning packing and, right now, Ava is taking a nap. She has really warmed up to her Daddy today. More than once, she asked him to hold her. He even got her to sleep, which isn't an easy thing to do.

While we are so happy to be coming home, we will treasure the time we spent with Ava in China. The sights, the smells, the people. I'm trying to soak up as much of it as I can, so I can remember and share it with her one day. Everything we've done here has been an adventure; from getting in a cab, to finding food, to even crossing the street (it's much like playing a game of Frogger). I'm sure there are traffic rules, but we could never figure them out.

This trip has turned out so much better than I imagined. We have been stretched beyond measure, challenged, changed. Rewarded. We have met families we'll never forget. I have laughed (often when I didn't know what else to do), cried, learned so much about myself. Would I do it all over again? In a minute.

Sent from my iPad.

Rough afternoon...

Ava woke up from her nap screaming - just like that first afternoon with her. There was nothing I could do to console her. I tried to hold her. She arched her back, broke loose and squirmed away from me. Ava threw herself to the floor and tried to beat her head against it. I held her tight so she wouldn't get hurt. More than an hour went by. Our happy baby was suddenly terrorized. Bad dream? Grieving? Confused? I don't know. Finally, she sat quietly next to me holding my hand. Then Kevin comes in acting foolish and saves the day. Suddenly, Baba with a sock on his head was the funniest thing ever. Ava's face lit up again. And she was fine.

I know there will be more times like this. We expect it. Very soon, we will take this sweet child away from everything familiar to her. And it may get more difficult. But it'll be OK. No one has days of only lollipops and rainbows. Sometimes, we all just need a little extra love.

Sent from my iPad.

Last Day in Guangzhou!

One week ago, Kevin and I met Ava in a freezing cold orphanage with no heat. She came to us wearing a pair of pajamas, a red sweater, red socks, red shoes and a big pink puffy fleece coat (top and bottom). She was scared. Confused. Sad.

Today, Ava is a different child. Such a personality! Shy around new people, but not for long. Our little girl has experienced so many firsts this past week; probably even some that we aren't aware of. She is still a Mama's girl, but has started asking for Baba and letting him hold her. And she has started playing flying saucers at the breakfast table, but that's another story.

This morning, we visited the US Consulate and took an oath. When we land in Chicago on Wednesday, Ava will become an American citizen. After our appointment today, our group went back to Shamian Island for lunch at Lucy's, then we took a nice walk. Ava put on a show for the shopkeepers; blowing kisses, talking and giggling. She couldn't be more perfect for our family.

Tomorrow afternoon, we take the bullet train to Hong Kong. We'll stay the night there and fly out Wednesay morning. While we have come to understand and appreciate Chinese culture, we're ready to go home. Kevin and I miss Jackson and Molly so much - leaving them has been the most difficult part of this trip. Soon, we'll all be together. And we can't wait.

Safari Park

This morning, we visited Safari Park. Definitely an adventure. Our guide can't go everywhere with us since there are others in our group and everyone wants to do something different; so she arranged for a driver to take us there, wait for us and bring us back to the hotel. Easy enough, right? Wrong. He took us there but when we were ready to leave, he's nowhere to be found. We have no way to contact him or anyone else, and no one at the park spoke English. We were told it would be hard to find a cab there (which was why we hired the driver), so imagine Kevin, me and little Ava with her rice cookie standing in the parking lot. I'm near tears and beginning my first meltdown when a cab drives up. He doesn't speak a bit of English, so we show him our room key with the hotel name on it. He shows us the amount of money he wants, and we get in the cab. That dude could've taken us anywhere, but by the grace of God we made it back to the hotel.

Safari Park was such fun, though. We took a train ride throughout the place and saw all kinds of animals. Many of them came right up to the train. Ava giggled the whole time! If it weren't for the rain, we could've spent all day there.

There was a young couple sitting in front of us on the train. They spoke broken English, and told Kevin our daughter looks Chinese. Kevin told them she is. "Impossible", the man replied. We just smiled. Apparently, Ava wasn't properly bundled (Chinese parents dress their children in many, many layers). I can't tell you how many women have come up and scolded me (in Chinese and in English) for not dressing her properly. Seriously, Ava is fine. And she hates all those layers - she will take them off if I dress her so that people will leave us alone.

We are back at the hotel now - and I think it's a good idea to stay put for the rest of the day. Enjoy the pictures - the man walking the monkey and the smile on Ava's face made this fiasco of a day so worthwhile.

Saturday, March 10

This morning, Ava had her medical exam.  I heard many horror stories about the facility and the sick people there but, lucky for us, it just moved to a new location.  It was clean, we were in and out very quickly and adoptive families were kept separate from everyone else.    We went in one room to get ears and throat checked, another for height and weight (she's up to 23 pounds) and the last room for a quick heart exam.  Ava had open heart surgery when she was just a few months old.  The orphanage said she never went for a checkup after that surgery, since she was doing fine.  Her paperwork following her heart surgery stated she had a moderate heart murmur, but it's now gone.  She may still need a procedure down the road, but we'll figure that out when we get home.  Right now, she appears to be perfectly healthy.  

After her exam, we went to Shamian Island for lunch and bought a few pairs of squeaky shoes and some other souvenirs.  The people there are so friendly.  One store even let us borrow a stroller for a few days.  Ava sat in the floor in our room and played with her new shoes for a while when we got back to the hotel - seems she likes shoes as much as her Mommy and big sister.  

We just got back from dinner at an Italian restaurant called "The Italian Restaurant".  Not bad.  Ava had spaghetti with cream sauce and loved it.  She won't eat congee anymore, especially after I introduced her to oatmeal.  Really, she just wants to eat what Kevin and I are having.  

We are having a much easier time in Guangzhou.  Our hotel is full of adoptive families (our Shanghai hotel was full of Chinese businessmen) and we are enjoying our time with them.  

Kevin and I can't get over how well Ava is doing with us.  Until today, she only wanted me to hold her.  Kevin was her playmate but she wouldn't let him comfort her.  That is slowly starting to change.  He carried her back from the restaurant and she smiled the whole way.  She likes walking around the hotel and will go to the door in our room and yell when she's ready to go.  

She has a few nicknames - both of our guides call her "Shanghai Girl", they say because she's smart and pretty.  But Kevin and I have been calling her "The Dictator".  It's just as fitting.  You'll see. 

Sent from my iPad.